


Map of the Problematique

by Soul_in_the_Starlight



Series: Recovery [3]
Category: Being Human, Being Human (UK)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-20
Updated: 2012-08-03
Packaged: 2017-11-10 08:42:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/464379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soul_in_the_Starlight/pseuds/Soul_in_the_Starlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What's the point in dying if you can't learn how to live?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It's been two days.   
  
Alex and Hal go through the motions of civility. She brings him drinks, they watch banal television programmes together, she tells him what's happening outside when they hear the neighbours shouting, and he thanks her for her thoughtfulness, trying not to be rude when demanding to be untied. Again.  
  
Hal even relents when she offers him a neck massage, after waking up in pain for the third day in a row. Alex manages to touch him without either of them succumbing to temptation, and they consider it progress of sorts, even if they don't discuss the fact. They settle into a bubble almost of indifference, neither mentioning what happened previously, even managing to laugh about the absurdity of Hal's situation if the letting agents make a surprise visit.   
  
But something's changing. There's a breeze of discontent, lightly sweeping across their comfortable landscape.  
  
Tom comes home from another double shift, and flops down in the lounge, exchanging pleasantries with Hal, as if the vampire isn't restrained in a dining chair in the middle of the room.  
  
Alex, however, sits in the shadows at the top of the stairs, where she's been for three hours now. She's waiting for Tom to ask Hal where she is, which he does in due course. She listens for the tone of Hal's voice when he answers, to see if he shows concern at her absence. But Hal is guarded, and Tom probably misses the trace of worry that tinges his reply.  
  
She waits further, tears pooling along her lower lashes. Eventually, Tom comes out into the hallway and calls for her;  there's that subtle note of unease in his voice by the third time of receiving no reply, and it makes her smile before she answers the fourth.  
  
"Up here."  
  
Tom looks up the staircase and sees Alex, his face breaking into a grin as he climbs up towards her.  
  
"What yer doin' up there in the dark all by yerself?"  
  
He sits a couple of steps below her, looking up, eyes wide but brow furrowed with concern.  
  
" 'Ave you bin cryin'? What's up?"  
  
Alex wipes at her eyes, and sniffs, and Tom awkwardly pats at the toe of one of her boots, hoping it's a comforting gesture.  
  
"It's nothing, really, just silly stuff, stupid _girly_ stuff."  
  
Tom takes his hand off her boot as if burned, looking away.  
  
"I'm very sorry to 'ear that Alex, but if I'm honest, I don't really know 'ow to deal with ladies' monthly things, I 'ave enough trouble dealing with me own."  
  
Alex laughs, genuinely amused.  
  
"Oh my God, _no_ Tom! I'm dead, thankfully _that's_ something I don't still have to deal with." She puts her hands over her mouth to stifle the giggles as Tom starts to awkwardly pat her foot again.  
  
"Oh. Right. Well, what's the matter then? Has Hal upset ya? Cos, 'e is bein' a bit weird."  
  
"I haven't known him for long, but I kind of think Hal is the _poster boy_ for weird. Like, if you look up weird, there's a picture of Hal, arranging grains of sand by by their textures."  
  
Tom half laughs at the image.  
  
"Nah, I just mean…like, when Hal first moved in 'ere, an' we didn't really get on, Annie used to say there were an atmosphere in the place. An' like, I didn't _really_ get what she were on about. But, since we've 'ad 'im tied up 'n' that, there's _definitely_ bin summat in the air, but, I can't put me finger on it."  
  
Tom looks down towards the lounge door, and then back to Alex.  
  
" 'Ave you two 'ad a row?"  
  
Alex starts picking at the hem of her dress, avoiding Tom's gaze.  
  
"What? No. Oh, can ya not, _please_ , I just wan' us to all get on."  
  
Tom looks so disappointed that Alex feels a stab of guilt.   
  
"No, we haven't... had a _row_. We… I think that _atmosphere_ you're on about, is our raging UST."  
  
Tom blinks at her a few times.   
  
"Yer raging what tea? Is that American?"  
  
Alex laughs.  
  
"No, our 'U', 'S', 'T'. It stands for 'unresolved sexual tension'."  
  
"Is that like RSI? Cos McNair used to get that sometimes if 'e'd bin whittlin' stakes fer too long. Said it was cos of tension in his ligaments or summat."  
  
Alex tries to hide her smirk.  
  
"Not _quite_ the same thing, no. At least, there's not been any 'stake whittling' just yet."   
  
She looks at Tom, and can practically see her innuendo flying over his head.  
  
"When you were at work the other day… Tom, I kissed Hal again. And I think, I'm pretty sure, we kind of want each other. But it can't happen, because _I'm_ dead, and _he's_ a detoxing vampire tied to a chair, and _I'm_ not really sure how to cope with all this."  
  
Alex wonders why ghosts can still cry. Tom starts patting her foot in earnest.  
  
"OK, calm down, it don't mean you 'ave to sit up 'ere in the dark on yer own. Why didn't ya come down when I came in earlier? We can _talk_ about this, y'know."  
  
"I wanted to see if either of you missed me."  
  
"Why? You were still in the 'ouse."  
  
"Yeah, but, y'know, I just… I wanted to feel like _someone_ might still miss me. I want to feel that it matters to someone that I'm still _here_."  
  
Tom puts his awkwardness aside and stands up, climbing up the stairs to sit next to Alex and slips his arm around her.  
  
"Don't be so daft, of course ya matter. You 'n' Hal, yer all I've got, you two are me family now. An' you'll be gone, when ya get yer unfinished business done, so I'd quite like to 'ave y'around while I still can."  
  
Alex leans in to Tom's embrace and takes hold of his other hand.  
  
"Thanks Tom, that's really sweet."  
  
"I mean it. We're all of us alone 'ere, Alex, we need t' stick t'gether. So, please, don't let yer undissolved sexual tea get in the way of us gettin' on, yeah?"  
  
Alex leans over and kisses Tom on the cheek before standing up. He looks up at her, delighted that he's clearly said the right thing.  
   
"Right then! Let's go an' have some proper tea, and talk this out."  
  
He follows Alex down the stairs with a pearl of wisdom.  
  
"We're all wrestlin' our inner demons, Alex, and we all need to face 'em head on, to undermine their hold over us."  
  
Alex stops at the bottom and stares at him, incredulously.  
  
Tom shrugs as he walks past her into the lounge.  
  
"McNair said."


	2. Chapter 2

They don't talk about how Alex is feeling. 

"I'm hungry," says Hal as Tom and Alex enter the room. They  both stop mid stride and look at him.

"Hal, we know yer 'ungry, that's why yer tied up."

Hal smiles as he replies.

"No, Tom, you don't understand. I'm _hungry_. For food. Proper _food_."

Alex walks over to him and bends down at a safe distance, looking into his eyes.

"When you say _proper food_ , do you mean stuff like Tom eats? Or do you mean like a victim with good manners?"

Hal rolls his eyes at her.

"God forbid that I should _ever_ eat like like Tom, but yes, I mean _actual_ food that people eat, rather than the _people_ who eat the actual food."

Tom circles round behind Alex.

"Is that normal then, does it mean summat?"

"It means that the effects of the blood I ingested are wearing off. It _means_ I'm on my way to beating it."

He looks at Alex with wide pleading eyes.

"Well, that's good… _if_ it's true. How do we know this isn't just a wee ruse you've thought up to try and trick us?"

"And why would I do that?"

"Oh, I dunno, maybe cos yer've bin beggin' us to let ya go ever since we tied y' up. I'm sorry Hal, I want ya better as much as you do, but I weren't born yesterday. I'm not gonna jus' untie ya, and watch ya run out the door and start killin' the neighbours."

Alex steps forward, closer to Hal, crouching down between his legs. She reaches up and pulls his lips apart, checking his teeth, surprised that Hal allows it. She stands again, and he looks her in the eye, holding her gaze.

"I think he's telling the truth, Tom. But we _can't_   risk it, not yet."

"For God's sake, I _know_   I'm over the worst of it! I've been through this before. You can't keep me tied to this damned chair forever!"

Hal struggles against the retraints with a growl of frustration.

Tom folds his arms, unmoved by the display.

"Well, that t' me weren't the be'aviour of a changed vampire, Hal. _But_ , I was talkin' to a bloke in the cafe a coupl' a days ago, an' 'e gave me summat that might be useful."

Tom goes over to the bar and picks up his rucksack from where he dumped it earlier. He rummages in the depths for a few seconds, before his hand emerges, holding two pairs of handcuffs.

" _Handcuffs?_ " Alex and Hal speak in unison.

"Yeah. Right, cos, I'm not unfeelin' Hal, I _know_ it must be 'orrible, bein' tied to a chair fer days on end, but I didn' know what else t' do wi' ya. Any road, this bloke's let me 'ave these, in exchange fer a week of freebies at the cafe."

Hal and Alex both look at Tom with suspicion.

"What kind of bloke exchanges handcuffs for food?"

"Yes, a very good point, Alex." Hal nods in agreement with her question.

"I dunno, is it impor'nt?"

Alex folds her arms defensively.

"Um yes… No… I don't _know_ , it's just… not _normal_. Hal, help me out here."

"Alex, _this_ is the man who somehow, randomly managed to acquire the chemicals for kitchen sink bombs, from someone in the cafe. He's kind of set a precedent. Tom, when you say you were _talking_ to this man, what exactly did you tell him?"

Hal's accusatory tone chips at Tom's formerly confident facade.

"No, look, I didn' say anythin' I shouldn', I'm not stupid. I didn' jus' go up t' some random bloke in the cafe and say 'excuse me mate, I've got a vampire tied up in me lounge, can y'give us 'and to keep him restrained like', gimme _some_ credit will yer."

Hal and Alex exchange looks, and Tom nervously licks his lips.

" 'E were sellin' 'em, I dunno why. They were dead pricey, so I offered t' let 'im eat fer nothin' while 'e were stayin' in Barry."

Tom looks at his friends earnestly, the handcuffs dangling from his hand. Alex and Hal exchange glances again.

"They're proper 'n' everything', Police cuffs, 'e said."

Alex's eyebrows raise.

"Oh well _that's_ okay then. Nothing suspicious about _that_ at all."

Tom runs his hand over his head, looking cornered, it had seemed like a perfect solution at the time. Hal sees his discomfort.

"Look, Tom, you have them now, so what did you have in mind?"

Alex spins round to face Hal.

"What, so you're _okay_ with this?"

"Alex, I've been tied to this chair for days, I'm pretty much willing to try anything."

She spins back round to face Tom.

" _Fine_. So, what are we going to do, just untie him and hope he doesn't overpower us, and run out the door before you can cuff him?"

Tom sighs, and cracks his neck in readiness. 

"Not quite. I'll cuff 'im to me while you untie 'im. 'E won't bite me cos of me blood. Then when 'es free, we take 'im upstairs and cuff 'im to 'is bed wi' both 'ands, and tie 'is feet to the other end. It'll be more comfy at least."

Hal gives Tom a look of disdain.

"And that's it, you just imprison me in a different position?"

"You're th' one keeps saying' ya wake up wi' a crick in yer neck. I'm tryin' t' be 'elpful Hal, but I can jus' leave ya down 'ere if y' like."

"No, it's  _fine._  A change is as good as being set free in the circumstances, I suppose. "

Alex smirks and stands out Tom's way.

Tom beams at Hal and comes and snaps a cuff over Hal's right wrist. Hal looks at it, and then then looks up at Tom.

"Before _you_ put the other one on, you _do_ have the keys for these, don't you?"

Tom's smile fades.

"Oh. I knew there were summat missin'."

Hal gives him a look, but then Tom thrusts his hand into the pocket of his shorts, emerging with two sets of keys and a silly grin.

"Only kiddin', I ain't as daft as you seem to think I am sometimes, y'know. Right, Alex, take these keys and put 'em somewhere safe. I'm gonna cuff meself to Hal now, and then you can carefully undo all the thingies."

Tom slips the other cuff over his left wrist, joining himself to Hal. Alex takes the keys and slips them in her jacket pocket, crouching down by Hal's left foot.

"Yes, _do_ be careful with the thingies, Alex," says Hal sarcastically, which earns him a sharp smack to the shin from the ghost.

"Hal, don't be so rude."

After some fiddling, swearing, and unhelpful hints from Tom, Alex finally manages to release Hal from his prison seat. He stretches his legs out, releasing explosive cracks from his knee joints. He slides forward in the chair, arching his back, another round of cracks sounding from his spine. Alex moves forward and gently kneads  his neck before he shakily stands.

"Are you okay?" She asks, noticing him wincing as he straightens up.

"I'll be fine, just a bit stiff in places."

Alex feels herself blush, and purposefully looks the other way, as an uninvited memory slips to the front of her mind . This won't do, they were getting past this.

"Right," says Tom, cheerily, "You grab 'is other arm, an' the other set of cuffs, and we'll take 'im upstairs."

"Before you shackle me to my bed, is there any chance I could at least have a shower and change my clothes? I think even prisoners at Her Majesty's Pleasure are afforded _that_ decency."

Tom stops, thinking it through.

"I ain't getting' in the shower wi' ya. I like ya, Hal, but that's a bit _too_ far."

Hal sighs.

"You don't need to come in with me, just let me shower and change, and then cuff me again. I won't try to escape, I promise."

"I'm sorry Hal, I wanna trust ya mate, but I don' think it's good idea. Maybe Alex can give y'a bed bath or summat."

Alex lets out an indignant squeak, as Hal's eyes widen.

"I don't think so! That is _so_ not going to happen. _You'll_ have to go in the shower with him, it'll be less awkward."

" _Neither_ of you has to be awkward. Tom can just put his cuffed arm in with me. Although really, I'm hardly likely to make an escape whilst naked and covered in soap."

Alex bites her lip, trying not to think about it. Tom looks faintly sick.

"Fine. I'll put me arm in. But no washing yer downstairs wi' that hand."

"Believe me Tom, that is the last place I want _your_ hand anywhere near."

Alex has been thinking about the logistics, in an attempt to not think about the actual shower.

"Wait, how will we get his shirt off? He's cuffed to you."

"We'll 'ave t' cut it off."

"Don't be absurd. It's simple, I get it off the other arm,  you then cuff yourself to my bare arm, and release this one." Hal holds up his arm, bringing Tom's up with it.

"Right, well let's go then, cos I'm dead tired, an' I've got t' be up early again in th' mornin.' No rest fer the wicked, eh?"

Hal throws a glance at Alex as she takes hold of his left arm. They carefully escort Hal upstairs to the bathroom, Tom leading the way, and Alex bringing up the rear, trying hard not to focus on the curve of Hal's bottom as he makes his way up the staircase in front of her.

_This won't be awkward in any way at all._


	3. Chapter 3

The bathroom isn't particularly small, but given that Hal and Tom are handcuffed together, and Alex knows Hal has to get undressed, it suddenly feels the size of a postage stamp.

They stand in front of the shower for what feels like an awkwardly long time, no-one speaking, no-one quite knowing what to say to make this any less uncomfortable than it is, the oppressive silence punctuated by occasional throat clearing.

Hal finally sighs and takes the initiative. Using his cuffed right hand, he undoes the button at his left wrist, shrugging the shirt off his left shoulder, and pulling Tom's arm behind him as he grabs the sleeve, pulling it off over his hand, and finally pushing the shirt down his right arm.

Tom watches without trying to look like he's watching, glancing at the ceiling every now and again. Alex just stands there wishing she were anywhere else right now, because Hal is standing there bare chested with his shirt hanging off his arm, and it's pretty ridiculous really, and not in any way erotic. At all.

"Right, Alex, cuff our other arms t'gether, and then unlock this one."

Alex takes a step towards them, but then stops.

"No, wait, Tom, I think you're forgetting something?"

"I don't think so, nah." He shakes his head, confident that there's nothing amiss.

"Are you sure? Because if _I_   was going to stick my arm in the shower with a naked vampire, I'd probably want to take my own shirt off as well."

"Was it _really_   necessary to mention the nakedness?" Hal asks, an eyebrow raised in disapproval.

"About as necessary as mentioning taking my own shirt off, actually. Smoothly done, Alex, not drawing attention to your awkwardness at all right now." She forces an embarrassed smile. "But he does need to take it off, or he'll get it wet."

"Nah, y'alright, it were goin' in the wash anyway." Tom looks nervously towards the shower.

"Fine, just trying to help." Alex moves forward to snap the cuffs first on to Hal's wrist, then on to Tom's.

They stand face to face with their arms joined at the wrists, and Alex lets out a snigger.

"I'm _so_   glad we amuse you, Alex. Now, can we get on with this farce, and get it over with as quickly and painlessly as possible?" Hal gives her the kind of look she remembers her headmaster giving her when she was outside his office, the 'oh dear, Alex, and how have you disappointed everyone this time?' look. 

Well, that's got to be a passion killer, comparing Hal to him. Right?

"What's so funny any'ow?" Tom eyes her suspiciously

Alex folds her arms, and takes a step back, surveying the boys with a smug look.

"I could pretty much make you two do _anything_ right now, if I wanted to," she holds the keys up, dangling them triumphantly, grinning lasciviously. Tom's eyes widen, and he swallows. Hal, on the other hand, just cocks his head to one side, arching a disapproving eyebrow.

" _Really_ , Alex? You pull this childishness _now_?"

She pokes out her tongue at him and he sighs through gritted teeth.

"Oh come on boys! Take a joke, will you? Just trying to lighten the mood of soul-crushingly awkward embarrassment, Jesus."

"Who's awkward?" responds Hal. Alex ignores him, releasing the cuffs that allow Hal's shirt to slide off his arm. When it's off, he toes off his shoes and deftly lifts each foot in turn to remove his socks, dropping them on the floor and moving them to one side with his foot.

"Alright, smartarse, but you've still got to get the rest off." Alex nods down at Hal's lower half, and Tom screws his eyes shut.

" 'S'alright, I ain't gonna look."

"We need to change arms again, it'll be easier to get under the water." Hal lifts his right arm, waggling the fingers.

Tom holds out both arms, and turns his head to the side, even though his eyes are still tightly clamped shut. Alex quickly double cuffs them again and releases Hal's left hand. He immediately starts to undo his trousers.

"Whoah there! Don't you want me to hold up a towel or something?" asks a wide-eyed Alex as Hal slides his trousers down and bends to pull them over his feet. Tom remains oblivious, physically turning away now, shifting on his feet uncomfortably.

Hal kicks his trousers away and drops his boxer shorts.

"I have _nothing_ to be ashamed of," he replies as he steps out of them and in to the shower, dragging Tom's still cuffed arm in with him.

"I'll say!" murmurs a blushing Alex, turning her back as the water begins to fall down over Hal.

"Alex, could I trouble you to please fetch me some clean clothes?" he calls from the shower, as the steam mercifully clouds the glass.

Alex instantly relocates to his bedroom, thankful for a legitimate reason to leave the bathroom, and get her thoughts in check, mentally cursing Cutler six ways to hell and back, for depriving her of the far more enjoyable death, if what she'd just caught a glimpse of was anything to go by.  
  
Nothing to be ashamed of at all.


	4. Chapter 4

When she's finally able to bring herself to rummage through Hal's underwear drawer, and has chosen him an outfit that won't make him look like her granddad did in old photographs, Alex walks back to the bathroom. She finds a clean, damp Hal leaning against the shower door with a tiny towel wrapped around his waist, cuffed to Tom, who was now wearing a half wet T-shirt looking mortified.

"I 'ad to fetch 'im a _towel_ , Alex." He looks petrified.

Alex smiles sympathetically, trying not to laugh. 

"It's okay, Tom, I'm here now, the bad, wet vampire can't hurt you any more."

"He gave me the _smallest_   towel in the room." says Hal, accusingly, reaching for his clothes. Alex passes them, turning her back and gesturing with her hand for Tom to do the same.

"I weren't really lookin' at the sizes. It were the first one I grabbed, t' be honest. I just want this t' not be 'appenin'."

"Well, I need a shave, so you'll have to wait a bit longer for that."

Tom looks over at Alex. 

"'Ow does 'e shave? 'E can't see 'imself in th' mirra."

The small towel lands on the floor between them, and Alex hazards a look, seeing that Hal now has his lower half covered and his clean shirt on his left arm.

"You think I don't know the shape of my own face, after 500 odd years?"

Alex bends to pick up the wet towel and Hal's discarded clothes, and dumps them in the laundry basket. She then sets about  the elaborate cuffing and uncuffing ritual, allowing Hal to put his shirt on properly.

Tom turns to face Hal, shaking his head.

"Sorry mate, y'll 'ave t' wait till tomorra, It's right late now, I've gotta get some kip."

"I haven't shaved for _three_ days now. I look like a tramp."

"'Ow d'ya know? Ya can't see yerself!"

"I can _feel_  it."

"Well a few more hours won' 'urt ya."

" _Three days_ I've been tied to that chair, and you won't give me ten more minutes on my feet?"

"Hal, I've been pullin' double shifts fer three days, on five hours kip a night. I'm tryina make up fer you being out of action. So, pardon me if I don't give a toss about yer beard."

"Oh that's _charming_. But pardon me if _I_   have little sympathy, as _I'm_   currently trying my hardest not to give in to my nature, my very _reason_ , for still existing in this world, and drinking it dry."

"Nobody made yer drink that blood, Hal."

"What, so I should've just let Cutler use you to kill all those people and unleash the Old Ones instead?"

"No, but ya coulda made 'im trust ya in some other way."

"There _was_ no other way. Do you _really_ think I would have drunk that if I didn't have to? If there had been _any_ other other way, I'd have taken it."

"Well, ya still aren't 'avin' a shave till tomorra. Alex?" Tom takes a step towards the door

Alex has been keeping out of their little spat, it's going over her head. Cutler was the sadistic bastard responsible for her death, and she didn't want to think about him any more than she had to.

"Look, Tom needs to go to bed, I'll shave you when you're settled."

Hal looks at Alex blankly.

"I'm _sorry_?"

"I said, _I'll_ shave you when you're settled."

Tom pulls a silly grin.

" _You_? Yer gonna _shave_ 'im?"

" _Yes_. Look, just cos I'm not a bloke, doesn't mean I don't know how to shave one. I did _live_ with four of them, I know a thing or two about the eccentricities of facial hair."

She looks at Hal again, daring him to protest. He opens his mouth, but then shakes his head and begins buttoning his shirt in earnest.

"Fine. No, why not? Let the ritual humiliation _never_ end."

He rolls up his sleeves and looks at Alex, hands on hips, Tom's arm awkwardly held at his side.

"Okay then, let's get you tucked up in bed." Alex puts on her cheeriest grin and leads the way to Hal's room, the now surly vampire following, dragging Tom along behind.

They stand looking at the bed. Hal looks at it like it's the most dreadful thing he's ever encountered, while Tom eyes it wistfully with a yawn.

"I'm _sorry_ , is my impending captivity keeping you up?"

"Sorry, mate, I'm cream cracker'd."

"Do you want to go on top, or underneath?" asks Alex moving to turn down the bedspread. She realises what she's said and stares at Hal, mortified. He leans in and answers, his voice low and teasing.

"Well now, isn't _that_ the eternal question, Alex?"

"Can ya jus' get on th' bed Hal? Seriously, mate, I'm done in."

Hal half smiles at Alex and sits on the bed, laying back and raising his arms above his head. She wastes no time in moving round to the other side, fastening the second pair of handcuffs to the brass bed rail and Hal's free arm, before coming round and releasing Tom, snapping the cuffs over the rail on the nearest side.

"Right, he's secured."

"What about 'is feet though?"

"I'm not a _donkey_ , I'm not going to kick anyone."

"Well ya would say that."

"I've told you, I'm almost over this, and even if I _did_ kick anyone, I'm still shackled to the bed, I can't go _anywhere_."

"It's fine, Tom, you go to bed, I'll give him a shave and something to eat."

Tom looks at Alex, then at Hal. 

"Are ya sure? I don't want 'im 'urtin' ya while I'm asleep."

"No, really, it's fine, you go."

Tom looks at Hal, who gives him his most winning, if slightly sarcastic, smile. 

"Well, if 'e tries' summat, make sure ya shout loud, cos I'm that tired I dunno if I'll even 'ear me alarm tomorra."

"Rentaghost, remember? I can just disappear out of the way."

"Yeah, an' look 'ow well that went last time he tried to… y'know."

"It'll be _fine,_ run along now. Bed! You need your beauty sleep!" Alex all but shoves Tom out of the door, closing it behind him.

"He'll need more than five hours of that," snorts Hal, earning himself a prod to the ribs.

"Don't be mean. Not everyone can be as pretty as you."

Hal's forehead creases in confusion.

"There you go again, you keep saying I'm pretty. _Girls_ are pretty. Men are _handsome_."

"Shut up and take the compliment, Mr Gender Stereotype."

"Do you really think I'm," he pauses for a moment, before reluctantly saying it, " _pretty_?"

"Surely you must know you are?"

"I might know the angles of my face for shaving, but it's been a long time since I saw them from your perspective. No photographs, remember? And even when I was in a position to commission portraits, there was no telling if they were truthful or just playing to my vanity."

Alex sits on the bed, and reaches out, running her fingers across the hair on Hal's chin.

"It must be really weird, not being able to see your own reflection. We just take it for granted."

"There are worse things to bear," he looks in to her eyes, and Alex suddenly feels an overwhelming sense of sadness.

"Let's get this beard off, eh? I'll go get the stuff."

She stands and walks to the door, feeling that relocating might be rude given the mood change in the room.

Hal waits patiently while Alex goes to fetch the shaving supplies. It has been a _very_ long time since he has seen his own face.  
  
But even longer since anyone has cared about it.


	5. Chapter 5

A short while later, Alex returns, carrying a bowl of water, a towel and flannel, along with Hal's shaving kit. She sets the bowl carefully on the bedside cabinet, unfurling the towel, draping it across Hal's chest, and tucking it around his neck. 

"Is Tom okay?" Hal feels some remorse for his earlier attitude, Tom has been doing them all a favour pulling double shifts, he shouldn't be so uncharitable towards him.

"Yeah, he's fine, I peeped in on him. He must've fallen asleep right away, he's face down on the bed in his clothes, snoring like a wee baby." Alex smiles soppily at the baby comparison, and Hal feels even more churlish.

"I suppose I should apologise to him the morning."

"That's not for _me_ to say, Hal, the two of you need to work this out between you. But, that said, I absolutely _will_ knock your heads together, if you can't be civil to each other, capiche?"

Hal nods, wondering if he's doing the right thing, agreeing to this woman going at this face with a sharp implement.

Alex sets about opening the small leather case, a delighted smile on her face as she finds the vintage razor and shaving cream inside. 

"You've _really_ done this before?" asks Hal, observing the reverence with which Alex removes the razor from the case checking the sharpness of the blade on a piece of toilet tissue.

"Yep, shaved my dad more times than I can count." She picks up the soft bristled shaving brush, dipping it in the bowl of water, and applying it to the cream, fluffing up a lather. She sits on the bed next to Hal, and begins applying it to his face.

"But why? Why would you shave your father? Was he ill?"

Alex smiles fondly as she works the lather into his stubble.

"I grew up in a house with three brothers. Dad taught them all to shave, like this. None of your electric razor or aerosol shaving foam muck, he thought they should know how to do it properly."

Alex finishes applying the lather, rinses the brush and carefully stands it up. She then takes up the razor, dipping it in the bowl. Starting on the right side of his face, she begins to carefully scrape away the hair near his sideburns, keeping the skin taught with the fingers of her other hand.

"I was horribly jealous of the time they got to spend with him, but, being a wee girl, there wasn't much he could do. I mean, he could have let me pretend, but that wasn't his way. So, instead of teaching me how to shave myself, he taught me how to shave _him_."

She rinses the razor, and carries on, down across his cheek and round under his chin. Hal makes a noise of surprised approval in her father's actions, not daring to speak while she brandishes the blade against his face.

Alex finishes the right side, and gently pulls his head over to get better access to the left. Hal takes the brief opportunity to reply.

"Well, I'm grateful to your father for having such patience," he looks at Alex, seeing the concentration on her face; she seems to actually be enjoying it.

"You're welcome. I kind of miss it. He didn't let me do it so much as I got older, but I enjoyed spending the time with him. He couldn't speak while I was doing it, so I could get a word in edgeways, he _had_ to listen!"

Hal smiles, but feels a deep pang of envy which catches him unawares. He'd never known his own father, never shared such a rite of passage.

"I'm sorry, Alex," he manages, before the blade starts to make it's way around the left side of his face.

"I hope you're not apologising for me being dead again, Hal, because that's really getting kind of _old_."  

Hal tries to convey an apology for his apology through his eyes, and Alex smirks. 

"Either you just tried to look sorry for saying sorry, or you're having a stroke."

She starts on his chin next, so he resists the urge to speak.

"Hey, you've been around a while, do _you_ have any family, like any kids or great grand kids or something?" Alex asks, the question making his heart pound for some reason he can't quite fathom. She finishes with his chin, allowing him to answer.

"No, I was turned young, before I had a chance to find a wife."

Alex contemplates his answer while she focuses on shaving his top lip. When she's done, she dampens a flannel and smoothes it over his face, removing all residual trace of the lather, then takes the towel and gently pats it dry.

"There, that's better. You look quite decent now."

Before Hal can answer, Alex leans down and plants a lingering kiss on his right cheek. She pulls back slowly, eyes wide, looking embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, force of habit. I'd always kiss dad on the cheek to prove I'd done it properly, I'd tell him his face was kissably soft, and he'd ask me to prove it." Hal sees the sadness wash over her as she slowly sits upright again, gazing towards the window and the soft glow of the streetlights outside.

He can think of nothing to say, and wishes he weren't cuffed to the bed, his fingers twitching as he feels a compulsion to take her hand in a gesture of comfort.

"When was the last time someone told you they loved you, Hal?" she asks, without looking round.

His brows furrow softly, caught of guard. "I don't really…"

Alex turns to look at him, and he sees the sheen of moisture across her eyes.

"A very long time ago," he answers, quietly.

"And when was the last time you told someone that you loved _them_?"

Hal swallows, wanting the line of questioning to end, he doesn't want - doesn't need - to think about these emotions right now.

"It was at the same time, a _long_ time ago."

Alex reaches out her right hand and puts it gently on his chest, playing with one of his shirt buttons.

"So they're dead then?"

"Yes, they've been dead a long while now," he tries to push the memory of _that face_ from his mind.

"Do you miss them?" It's a simple question, and yet the weight of her own pain fleshes it out, giving it great weight.

"You give up the right to miss someone, Alex, when you're the one who _killed_ them."

Alex stills her fingers on his chest for a moment, searching for something to say.

"How do you _know_ you don't have any family? I mean, you're a bloke, and back then… I'm sure not much has changed, maybe you got some girl pregnant and just didn't know about it."

"LIke I said, Alex, I was turned as a young man…"

"Yeah, so? What's that got to do with it? Were you saving yourself for for your wedding night?" She chuckles, and it's like a nail in his chest.

"Not voluntarily, no." Hal regrets the statement as soon as it leaves his lips. Alex eyes him suspiciously.

"Are you trying to tell me you died a _virgin_?"

Hal closes his eyes, wishing more than anything that he could flee the room right now.

"Oh come on! I can't believe someone as gorgeous as you didn't get any, even in the 16th century…"

"The opportunities didn't _readily_ present themselves."

"What d'you mean? Didn't they have busty wenches in the taverns, who'd let you have your way for tuppence or something? "

Hal opens his eyes and chews on his lip crossly before replying.

"I was the son of a whore, Alex. I lived in a brothel till I was old enough to work, and _then_ , I spent my days shovelling shit in the streets for a pittance. Hardly a catch, even for a tavern wench. A _pretty_ face meant nothing, not when it was hidden under a filthy beard and stinking rags."

He hadn't meant to spit it out with such venom, the shock on Alex's face almost burned him.

"I'm _sorry_ , Hal, I had no idea…" Alex moves up the bed so she can put her hand on his shoulder, and squeeze it reassuringly.

"I ran away from it, from the poverty and the squalor. I sailed to Europe on a boat full of disenfranchised men. I fought in a mercenary regiment, I was wounded by the lance of an enemy that wasn't even mine. There really wasn't much opportunity for courtship, or even _casual_ trysts." Hal's voice is calmer now, but he hates that the memories have been stirred up, from the bottom of the pool of misery, where he laid them to rest.

"But, you… _after_ you were turned, I mean, you're, um, fully functional, so maybe somewhere out there..."

"It doesn't _work_ like that, Alex," he replies, keeping the bitterness in check as best he can.

"What, because you kill everyone you have sex with, right?"

Hal manages a small smile. "There has been a...  _handful,_ of survivors."

"Really? So, there _could_ be some genes, knocking about out there somewhere."

Hal shakes his head. "No, I mean it doesn't _work_ , that's not how vampires reproduce."

"But… if you… y'know… like…" Alex makes a vague, incomprehensible gesticulation, leaving Hal looking confused.

"I'm sorry, I'm not really familiar with Sign Language…"

"No, I mean…" she takes a deep breath. "If you leave a...  _deposit_ , at the bank, you're bound to get some compound interest."

Hal raises his eyebrows questioningly.

"Well, it's a... _charming_ analogy. But still no."

Alex snorts dismissively. "What so all vampire blokes are Jaffas then?"

Hal looks at her like she's insane. " _Jaffas?_ "

"Yeah, you know, that old joke. Jaffa orange. Y'know. _Seedless_."

"Err, no, we're not… they just lack a vital ingredient."

Alex shrugs, shaking her head. "And what's that then?"

Hal looks up at her sadly.  
  
"The spark of _life_."


	6. Chapter 6

Things turn little awkward after the conversation has turned to the vitality of vampire sperm, and Alex is quick to offer to get Hal some food, disappearing to the kitchen the instant he accepts.

He lays there waiting, surprisingly uncomfortable, considering he's handcuffed to his bed. Flat on his back with his hands slightly raised isn't particularly restful, and he's regretting not being under the covers now; his feet are cold. Alex hadn't thought bring him any socks earlier, and he didn't think to ask for any before they restrained him.

It's quiet in the house, he assumes Tom is still asleep. A car passes in the street below, it's headlights casting beams that arc across the ceiling of his room through the top of the curtains, before plunging the room back in to the relative darkness left by the weak light of the standard lamp in the corner.

Resigning himself to yet another miserable night of fitful, unrestful sleep, Hal starts planning which of his neglected routines to begin with when Tom and Alex decide they can trust him. He wriggles on the bed, trying to get comfortable, bending his knees, grateful to Alex for at least allowing his feet to remain untied.

Without warning, she materialises in the room, next to his bed.

"Jesus!" 

In his recumbent position, Hal flinches awkwardly at the unexpected intrusion, his reaction startling Alex in turn, and she nearly drops the tray she's carrying.

"Oh my _God_ , I'm so sorry!"

She puts the tray on the floor and almost reaches out to give him a consolatory touch before thinking better of it.

"I didn't mean to scare you, I thought you'd be expecting me."

Hal still looks a little unnerved.

"I was expecting you to come back the old-fashioned way."

Alex looks slightly ashamed, and he regrets being so churlish, after all, she's brought him food.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean… _Thank you_ , Alex, I just... I was _distracted_ , you startled me."

Alex smiles and walks round to the other side of the bed. Hal turns his head to follow her movement.

"What are you doing?"

She reaches in tot he pocket of her jacket and pulls out a set of keys.

"I'm uncuffing this arm. You can't eat lying on your back, you'll choke or something."

Hal looks up at her fingers as she unlocks the handcuffs.

"I'm not _exactly_ alive; it's not really going to hurt."

Alex releases his left hand, leaving the cuffs fastened to the bedstead. She takes hold of his wrist and gently massages the marks left there by the metal cuff.

"I know, but, it still wouldn't be very nice, would it? Inhaling your midnight feast."

She lets go of his his hand, and he uses it to help himself sit up on the bed, swinging his legs around to sit on the edge. Alex comes round to join him, picking up a bowl of chopped, mixed fresh fruit from the tray, and putting in on his lap. She hands him a fork.

"Fruit salad, of sorts. No sugar, in case it makes you hyper, and, as you haven't eaten for a few days, no cream. I didn't want to overwhelm your digestive system, or whatever the hell it is that goes on inside you."

Hal smiles at her shyly, and picks up a piece of melon on the fork.

"Thank you, that's very thoughtful."

They sit in silence while he eats, and Alex resists the urge to watch him, like a parent watches a child eat, looking instead at the tidy order of his room, trying no to look like she's being nosy.

When she allows herself a subtle glance, he's finished, and she takes the bowl, replacing it on the tray and handing him a glass of water.

"You thought of everything, thank you," Hal takes the glass and puts it to his lips, relishing being able to hold it himself and not have to drink through a straw. Alex tries not to stare at the curves of his throat, and the undulations of his Adam's apple as the water passes down.

He drinks half of it, and then reaches across to put the glass on the bedside table, but Alex has left the shaving things there, and stands up to move them out of the way.

"Sorry, I should have cleared this earlier."

Hal puts the glass on the surface, and runs his hand through his hair.

"It's fine, I'm not really in a position to complain, am I?"

"Yeah, but it's your room, you like things tidy."

He looks at her questioningly.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

Alex looks at the table, then the floor, and bends to pick up the tray in her free hand.

"Sorry, yeah, I won't be long."

"No, I mean aren't you forgetting to cuff me?"

Alex shrugs.

"Why? You're secure on this side, and I've got the keys. I don't think you'll get far trying to shin down the drainpipe dangling a bed off your wrist, do you? I think I can trust you."

Hal raises his eyebrows.

"Oh, you really don't _ever_ want to do that, Alex." 

The corners of his mouth twitch into the ghost of a smile, and the look of wide-eyed unease that was forming on her pretty face halts She pokes her tongue out at him, vanishing from the room with a grin.

Hal stands, bending and stretching his back and legs a few times before sitting again. He's tired, but their earlier conversation while Alex was shaving him still pricks at his conscience, making him feel oddly emotional. At least he didn't actually kill anyone _this_ time. That is an addiction it would have been harder to break.

There's a soft knock at his bedroom door, before it slowly opens and Alex comes back in.

"Figured I'd save your nerves this time," she grins sheepishly and closes the door behind her.

"I don't know what you want to do… I mean, are you ready to go to bed, do you want to be alone now? Cos, I can tuck you up and say goodnight. Well, not _actually_ tuck you up, you're a grown up. Unless you want me to. I don't mind, I mean, bit awkward with one hand and all. But whatever, you know. Oh God, shut up, Alex."

She comes and sits down beside him on the bed, turning to look at him.

"I'm sorry, I just… I guess, I just miss looking after my dad and brothers. I don't mean to be so in your face."

Now that he has a free hand, Hal stiltingly reaches for Alex's hand and takes it in his. It feels surprisingly comforting just to hold it as it rests in her lap.

"Thank you," he gently squeezes her hand.

"What for?" Alex  manoeuvres her hand within his until their fingers are interlaced.

"For caring. You and Tom. I didn't think I'd find anyone else who'd want to do that, not after Leo and Pearl."

Alex now squeezes Hal's hand in hers, and covers them both with her other one.

"The friends you came here with? Tom told me a little bit about what went on when you arrived. I'm sorry they're gone."

"I'm not. I don't mean that in an uncaring way, I mean… Leo was _old_ , he was ill, and Pearl was only here because of him, they deserved to go. I couldn't expect them to stay with me forever. I can't expect that of _anyone_. You'll leave me one day, and then Tom…" He lowers his head, staring at the floor.

Alex is surprised to see a tear escape from Hal's left eye, rolling down his cheek. He doesn't move to wipe it, his hand still firmly clinging to hers. She lifts her free hand and reaches across to brush it away.

"Hey, what's that all about?"

Hal sniffs and turns to face her.

"I don't know if I can break this _forever_. When you two are gone... if I'm left _alone_ …"

Alex slips her hand out from his and puts her arm around him, scooting closer so she can pull him to her. She let's him carry on speaking.

"Annie should have left me to die in that warehouse with the others. I'm always going to be a risk to humanity, it's _inside_ me, it's _part_ of me, it's never going to go away, just because I starve it. It's _always_ going to be waiting, urging, _demanding_ to be fed, the endless _hunger_."

His voice has got angry, bitter, and his free hand has balled into a fist which now rhythmically pounds his left thigh.

Alex reaches across to close her left hand over his, stilling it.

"Annie had good reason to want you alive, I'm pretty sure of it."

Hal lets out a bitter-sounding laugh.

"You _really_ think so? Even after everything grown up Eve showed her I could be, she _still_ let me live? There's no logic to that, she wasn't thinking straight, she was just trying to get her baby back. _She should have left me there to burn_."

The self-hatred he spits out in his last sentence is like a knife through Alex's chest and she reaches across to his right shoulder, grabbing it, turning him to her and kissing him fiercely before she realises what she's doing. 

Hal is caught off guard, but his left hand slides up her back, beneath her jacket, the odd, other-worldly feel of the fabric of her dress beneath his fingers. It feels like minutes have passed before Alex releases his mouth, from the delicious pressure of her own.

" _Shut up_ ," she whispers, her hands now clasped behind his neck. "Don't you  _ever_ wish yourself dead."

Hal sees the pain in her eyes, and realises what he's said. Alex had no choice, her life was brutally ended; he has _endless_ years in which to carry on. 

It's been a very long time since he felt grateful for it.

"I'm sorry, Alex… I didn't mean…", but her mouth on his silences him again. When she releases him this time, she's smiling.

"You should probably try to get some sleep now," and she stands, kissing his forehead as she rises. 

Hal obediently lays back on the bed, slightly shell-shocked.

Alex smiles down at him. "You're going to be _fine_ , you know, I'm going to make sure of it. I am nothing if not tenacious, and I will _not_ take no for an answer; because I am singularly _bloody-minded_."

Hal manages a smile at the irony of her statement, but he's not ready to be alone; she's sat up with him every night since his forced incarceration, he finds he's grown accustomed to her company.

"Will you stay with me, please?"

Alex goes to sit back down but he shakes his head, moving himself closer to that side of the bed, and extending his left arm across the space he's left beside him, and waving to her with his free hand.

"Are you _sure_?" She looks at him almost coyly now, her hands plucking at her dress. There's an odd vulnerability in the way he looks up at her.

"Please? I don't want to feel alone."

Alex smiles and walks round to the other side of the bed, sitting down and lifting her legs onto it, rolling in towards him, and he doesn't even mind her bigs boots on the covers, as she carefully positions her feet so as not to hurt his. She snuggles in close, his arm pulling her to him, and she lays her left arm across his chest.

"Sweet dreams, Hal, " she whispers. He gives her a gentle squeeze in reply.

Hal suddenly remembers, as sleep finally overtakes him, that he still has nothing on his feet. 

But despite her lack of body heat as she's cuddled up beside him, he finds that he no longer feels the chill.


End file.
